


Family of Choice

by Crazy_panda_25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, I mean very briefly, Insecurity, Love, M/M, Wolfstar implied, briefly implied child abuse, reassurence, the black family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 22:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13645935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_panda_25/pseuds/Crazy_panda_25
Summary: Sirius sometimes wonders why he isn't like his family...





	Family of Choice

"Why wasn't I like them?"

Sirius doesn't say this with the same sort of longing that you would have thought a sentence like this would be said. He says it as a question, in the same tone you'd ask someone what the meaning of life is or why the life you have is chosen for you. It is said with the knowledge that the other person does not know the answer but you ask it anyway.

"Because you're different."

The answer is immediate, as though it's common knowledge that he should already know. He does already know, but it is not the answer he is looking for.

 

"I share the same genetics as them, Moony, the same blood. What went wrong...or right, I guess?" Sirius looks up at the star scattered sky, as he waits for an answer.

 

Remus hesitates. If he's honest, he doesn't know the why's or how's. He just knows Sirius is different for a reason that no one really knows.

 

Sirius must see that Remus is struggling to answer and breaks the silence himself.

"It terrifies me, Rem. I can run from my family, from my name...but the blood that runs through my veins will always be theirs..."

"No," Remus shakes his head, firmly, "you are not them, Pads. You are right, you do have the same blood as them but you aren't like them, you never have been."

"They tried so hard...too hard to make me like them, Remus. It destroyed me, everything they told me...I asked questions, Regulus didn't and they hated it," Sirius mutters, his voice quiet, drifting off in the cold night air, "no matter what I did, I could never be as good as Reg. It pushed me away from them..."

 

Remus looks over at him, the light of the half-moon shining off his fair, pale skin. It's late at night, hours since curfew, but Remus, despite the fact he's meant to be a prefect, can't bring himself to care.

Sirius rarely talks to any of them about what's going on in his head, choosing to instead keep most things bottled up. It's only ever late at night that he'll really talk about these things.

 

"...I couldn't understand what I did wrong so I stopped trying, I got...punished regardless so what was the point," Sirius continues, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, "my cousin, Andromeda, said it was because they saw something in me, something light, that they wanted to stomp out before I was old enough to let it get too strong."

"You don't believe her?" Remus asks, watching Sirius' face closely.

Sirius seems to think about this for a second before shrugging.

"It's not an excuse is it," Sirius says, shaking his head and meeting Remus' eyes.

It's not a question but Remus answers anyway.

"Of course it's not, Pads."

 

They are silent for a long time, staring up at the stars. Remus traces the glowing balls of fire with his eyes, mapping out the constellations. He wonders whether Sirius thinks about his family every times they look at the stars, whether he's thinking about every bad word that the Blacks have ever shouted at him, about every punishment he's been on the receiving end of.

"We should get back, it's late," Sirius mumbles, he doesn't move to get up though, staying laying on the cold floor of the astronomy tower.

"Yeah," Remus agrees, softly.

 

They get up slowly, making no real effort to leave the comfortable company of just each other. Sirius flashes a quick smile at Remus before making to leave the tower but Remus catches his arm gently.

 

"They aren't your family anymore, okay? We are and you don't need to worry about them anymore," Remus says, firmly.

Sirius smiles at him. It's not his default cocky smile or his signature smirk. No. This smile is soft, pure, and genuine, the one only his closest friends get to see. In that moment, Remus thanks whatever God may or may not be above them for allowing him to be one of those people that is allowed to see that smile.

 

In that moment, Sirius wraps his arms around Remus, hugging the slightly shorter man to his chest. Remus breaths deeply, taking in Sirius' smell. Shampoo, aftershave, cigarettes and the strong smell of the man himself.

"Thank you," Sirius whispers.

His voice so quiet that Remus is sure that he would have missed it if not for their close proximity.

"Anytime," Remus replies, just as quietly.

 

They stay hugging for a short time longer, allowing one another to seek warmth from their bodies. It's Sirius who breaks the moment, taking Remus' hand in his own . Only then does Remus notice how cold his hands are, relishing the constant heat that Sirius always seems to radiate.

With one last look at the night sky still scattered with stars, they set off to the seventh year dorm. They don't talk, both so they don't get caught and because they don't need to.

 

 


End file.
